This story was a difficult one to write. I am not sure there is a “lighter” side to it but it is real and intended to reflect that there are things we can never “fix”. What we can do is learn how to best work with what is broken.
When Alex’s sister Zoe turned 10 she got a gecko for her birthday. Yes, a lizard. And yes, it had to eat live crickets. Even typing this I cringe, as I of course was the feeder of the gecko. Alex became fascinated with the gecko. He began to read all about geckos and would proudly tell us random facts about their habitats and lifecycles.
The gecko lived in a terrarium which was located on top of a desk in our spare room. Arizona, as he/she was named, really did not do much but lay on a piece of driftwood or sleep inside a plastic cave about the size of a tissue box. Zoe had drawn up a chart of when the gecko was to be fed, according to the “Facts about Gecko” book, and I would proceed to shake the live crickets into the terrarium on feeding day. Alex would often sit and stare at Arizona for hours. He would explain to it things like the evolution of its adhesive toe pads or that it was “okay to eat your skin when you shed”.
A few days had gone by and Arizona had not moved from out of the cave and no crickets had been consumed. Zoe asked me if I thought Arizona was okay. “Of course,” I said, “Arizona is just resting”. Alex piped up and said, “No mom, it is regenerating”. Of course I did not realize what he was talking about until I discovered Arizona’s tail wrapped in a tissue beside the terrarium. I then pulled a lifeless, tailless Arizona from the cave. “Alex,” I asked in a stern voice, “do you know how Arizona’s tail came off?” “Yes,” was the answer from Alex. Rather than go into all the details let’s just say as tragic as this was for Zoe, it became even more tragic for Alex. He could not understand why what he had done was wrong and why the book he read, “Facts about Geckos”, could be wrong. “Why did it not grow back Mom? Why did the book say it would and even had pictures showing how it would and it didn’t? The book said the tails come off all the time – like our toenails – and they just grow back and it doesn’t hurt them. Why did it not just grow back?” Of course, I didn’t know why. All I knew was that Zoe hated her brother at that moment, the gecko needed a pet funeral, and I had to deal with Alex continuing to question me about why “it” did not grow back. And of course, I had to tell Alex that what he did was wrong.
A few weeks later at Alex’s regular check in with his doctor (amazing woman who I will blog about later), she asked whether there was anything specific we wanted to discuss. Alex piped up and inquired, “Why did I get in trouble for removing Zoe’s gecko’s tail? The book I read said they lose their tails all the time and it doesn’t hurt. The book said it would regenerate after it came off but it didn’t and the gecko died. ” The doctor looked at me with a “can you help here mom?” look. I filled in the background details for context.
She then began to explain in some detail to Alex that while scientific facts are facts and they are true, there are always some differences in the genetic make-up of animals that predispose them to be different. Just like people, not everyone heals the same way or reacts the same way to situations and experiences both physical and emotional. She asked Alex if he was sorry for what he had done and did he understand what sorry meant? He replied, “ Yes, I am sorry I did it because the gecko couldn’t grow its tail back. I think you want me to say I shouldn’t have done it. I know it made my sister sad because she was crying. That is what people do when they are sad. Maybe my sister can have a therapy session with you to make her feel better. They should put warning labels on geckos whose tails cannot grow back and then people will know not to remove the tails and then they won’t upset their sisters. Can we go now?”
Rest in peace Arizona.